guest contributor: millennial stepmom
Millennial Stepmom: From Stepdaughter to Stepmom
To dive into my story of how I became a stepmom blogger, and created Millennial Stepmom, means going back to the very beginning. My blended family story began when I was about seven years old. I grew up in southern New Jersey with my mother, father, and younger brother. Our traditional family setting lasted only a few years, as my parents went through a bitter separation, and inevitable divorce. Both sides agreed on 50/50 custody and went their separate ways. My father met and remarried a woman who was much younger than him. As a result of that relationship, my mother became (what we refer to in the stepmom community as) the “high conflict bio mom.” She would constantly go on rants about how the only reason her and my father divorced was because of his new girlfriend. Despite her protests and bad mouthing, my first stepmom was someone I really loved with whom I enjoyed spending time. She was a very calm presence in my life and I found comfort with her. Unfortunately this relationship did not last, and my father divorced again. In addition to getting divorced again, he obtained full custody of my brother and I, as my mother was unfit to care for us due to alcoholism.
My second stepmother came into the picture when I was 15 years old. By this point, my mother was barely in my life, my first stepmother was completely out of my life, and the last thing I wanted was another stepmom. I was a sad and lonely teenager, who acted tough on the outside but was terribly insecure on the inside. The reality was that no one understood how to raise or handle me at 15 (something I try to help stepparents with on Millennial Stepmom). Additionally, this second stepmom was clueless when it came to being a stepparent. She did everything opposite of what I discuss in my blog, with no effort at trying to have any type of relationship with me, and even to this day we barely speak.
Becoming a Stepmom, and creating Millennial Stepmom
After all of this, who would have thought that I would meet and marry a man with a child, and an ex wife, and become a stepmother myself? Not me, but I am so glad I did!
Brian and I met and began dating in 2011, we have been together ever since. The beginning years of stepmotherhood were difficult. It took time for me to figure out my parental role and where I fit into my stepson’s life. There were times where I felt like I did not know how to handle my emotions, or how to be involved without overstepping. Despite those difficult years of uncertainty, there were two things I was certain about with being a stepparent, (1) I was never going to speak badly about the ex to or in front of my stepson, and (2) I was going to do my best to maintain a positive and respectful relationship with my stepson’s mother no matter how difficult it might be.
I created Millennial Stepmom after experiencing what it means to be a stepdaughter, stepmother, and being a part of a blended family. I decided to start writing about it to not only help myself and other stepmoms, but to form friendships and connect with a community that is experiencing what I have gone through. My favorite thing about blogging is knowing that the information I am writing about is helping someone. It makes my day when I have a private message that says “what you wrote today was exactly what I needed.” Connecting with stepparents, bioparents, and blended families and hearing their stories is extremely rewarding. Everyone’s story is unique and relatable, and everyday I look forward to talking to those who connect with me through Millennial Stepmom.
By: Laura Epstein of Millennial Stepmom
Laura Epstein is the founder and creator of Millennial Stepmom. She graduated with a Bachelor's of Science in Psychology from Suffolk University in Boston Massachusetts, and lives in the Boston area with her husband, stepson and two dogs.
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